direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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