You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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