I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
