i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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