getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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