I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize