a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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