margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
