I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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