How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
