how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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