I cockslap morals
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
