when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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