I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
