My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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