I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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