i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
