you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
