Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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