i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
