exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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