I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
