I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
