Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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