He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
