Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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