you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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