I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
