I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
