is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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