my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
