the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
