I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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