can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
