Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
