I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
