this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
