It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
