So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
