did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
