If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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