I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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