I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
