Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
