you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
