If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
