He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
