get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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