I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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