ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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