There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
