even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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