she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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