I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
