We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
