Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
