His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
