Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
