you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
pray to the hookup gods
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
