Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
