This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
