im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
