508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
